I went shopping not long ago.
In fact it was December twenty-third.
This is something I never do;
Get involved with the Christmas herd.

But it would be pretty simple
To buy the one remaining gift.
I knew just what I wanted
That would give a friend a lift.

I would run right into Dillards
(I knew just where to go)
And say this is what I want
Then lay down a little dough.

But first I had to get there,
An hour's trip by city bus.
Now waiting for a bus that’s late
Can make a grown man cuss.

I arrived at the shopping mall
Pretty close to noon.
So first I went to Johnny Rocket
For a sandwich and a jukebox tune.

I guess that after eating here
I sort of played the fool.
For when leaving I heard people call
Mr., Mr.!Your coat is on the stool.

F.A.O. Schwartz was on my route.
(Thats a toy store of some repute.)
Of course I couldn't pass this up
So many things were very cute.

I wandered through the mall
Stopping here and there.
Victorias Secret I passed right by
To look at computer software.

There was lots to see
Including a puppet show.
The crowds of shoppers
Made movement pretty slow.

I finally got to Dillards
(A major department store)
And went right to the place
Where I had been once before.

I told the clerk what I wanted
(About this I was really sure).
"I'm sorry sir”, the lady said.
"You have come to the wrong floor."

And now the story starts
About my shopping spree.
Women who do it all the time
Will surely laugh at me.

At Dillards I found the place
Where what I wanted was sold.
The only one that was left
Was in black and white and gold.

It would have been a welcome gift
For it was pretty nice.
But I decided to look elsewhere.
It had a ridiculous price.

Next I went to Pennys,
Usually a pretty good source.
But there was nothing here.
I wanted something less coarse.

Well, I went from store to store
Hoping to find the right gift.
In each I was disappointed
If not downright miffed.

I thought the one at Dillards
Was priced just out of sight.
But others that I was shown
Were higher than that kite.

I was getting discouraged
At my lack of success.
And almost wcnt back to Dillards
(This I hate to confess).

But then, as often happens,
Success came to me.
In the last place I entered
My search ended satisfactorily.

I got just what I wanted
At about half the price
Of others I had seen.
And it was just as nice.

My shopping was finally done
But I couldnt get away.
I wanted the gift wrapped
And tied in a pretty way.

This took another hour
At a place across the mall.
You can bet that I was
Getting tired of it all.

Finally, everything was done.
And I went on my way.
But it would be quite a while
Before I could call it a day.

The bus came every hour
And guess what I had missed.
I won't tell you what I thought
But the word rhymes with kissed.

Fortunately the day was pretty warm
So waiting wasn't all that bad.
It was just something else to add
To all the fun I'd had.

Well, I finally made it home
And I was really weary.
I dont know how women do it
And remain so very cheery.

But I was rather pleased
At what I had done.
And I guess I must admit
It was really sort of fun.

But next year, you can bet
I'll do my shopping early.
And then maybe I wont be
So doggoned surly.

The gift was a complete surprise
To the one I bought it for.
But the bigger shock was, I guess,
That I had SHOPPED AT A STORE!

jhs