THE OLD MAN
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the wake After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow..
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......'
Contributed by Bryan Brown
New Young Dr in town
A young doctor moved to a small community to replace the retiring country doctor. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his calls so that the people could become used to him.
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating."
As they left, the younger doctor said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How did you arrive at your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent to pick it up, I noticed a dozen banana peels in the trash."
"Huh!" The younger doctor exclaimed, "pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she didn't have any energy.
"I'm feeling run down."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is correct, but how did you arrive at it so fast?"
"Well, just as you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Contributed by Marcy Hempel
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
1 went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
1 went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Contributed by Chuck Mencke